my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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