she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
