found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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