my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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