Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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