I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
