My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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