btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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