remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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