i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
