Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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