you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
