She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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