i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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