Just fell off a train. Bad.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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