Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
