xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
