By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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