Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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