Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
