OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
