Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
