Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
