i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
