Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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