My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
