Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
