Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
