I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
