North Korea, Best Korea!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
