I want you more than these girls want KFC
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
