I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
