The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
