i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
