Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
