Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
