soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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