ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
