So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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