ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
