I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
