it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i out mim tonsoeep
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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