My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
