I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
