moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
