I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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