doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
