Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
