I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
