You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
