3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
