Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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