Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
