i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
