I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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