Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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